A Vicious Cycle (minus the lycra)

Ever wake up in a bad mood? For no apparent reason? No idea what’s causing it but nothing helps?

Well this has been me for the last few days. Stuck in a high level of grump. Every little thing annoying me. Snapping at family and friends when they’ve done nothing wrong.

And this is where my vicious cycle kicks in.

So I’m grumpy. I hate it. I’m largely a happy go lucky chap. Keep smiling. Keep calm. Carry on kind of exterior. But this is rubbish. I snap. I feel worse. I grump. I feel worse. I then end up feeling down because I’ve upset (or feel like I’ve upset people). 

So how does it stop? At the moment? I have no idea but i don’t like where it’s heading. But knowing this is happening, and knowing its not all me but a large part of it is out of my control provides a crumb of comfort.

Trying to snap out of it? Easier said than done. Depression has some powerful weapons in it’s armoury. It’s ability to isolate me is huge. Because when I feel like this, i feel i want to be alone, but that doesn’t help. 

And thus my vicious cycle continues until something changes. But what is that something and when will it come? Perhaps It’s a bereavement reaction to events of the last week? Who knows.

I wish i knew

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